One is sitting in the corner, the other would like to recite the latest poem he has learned from kindergarten to everyone around him. One is flying like a dick off the couch, the other is quietly reading in the corner. And one needs to be hugged often, while the other is more likely to be pleased with a kind word. “”Children are different from each other from the moment they are born,”” explains the psychologist in the Receptáře podcast.
You must have experienced it yourself. “Where did the boy get that?” you wonder at the rampage of a little boy whose parents were extremely calm as children. “How come they are so different when we raise them all the same?” say parents of multiple children who seem to be from completely different galaxies. According to psychologist Šárka Miková, the explanation is actually quite simple. “We innately gravitate towards different personality types, and it is very likely that you are not the same within the family,” explains the author of Theory of Types.
Not just four
We probably all learned about personality types at school – sanguine, melancholic, phlegmatic, choleric. And maybe even then you felt that none of the descriptions actually fit you well. The psychologist, who bases her work on Jung, explains it simply. “There are many typologies of personalities. Most of them, however, classify people into types according to the manifestations of their behavior, which can vary in various ways. The theory of types works with differences that are stable and we already bring them into the world.” action. Someone needs to understand everything and be competent, another cannot do without fulfilling the need for deeper meaning and uniqueness (if you are interested in more, check out the website www.teorietypu.cz or buy one of Šárka Miková’s books).
What will become of the child?
It is quite possible that you now have a “completely different” child in your family and you really don’t know how to deal with him. It’s hard for you to communicate with each other, you don’t understand what he actually wants. Maybe just because he’s a different type than you. At that moment, you can start wondering what kind of personality you have at home. And who are you yourself? “If you know the type of child, you will understand their inner motivation. You will find out what is normal for him due to his innate needs, and his behavior will no longer cause you so much concern,” writes the psychologist in the book Loving Is Not Enough.
But even if you determine your type or your child’s type (for example, in a book or on a course), the most important work will still be yours. To come to terms with the fact that your child, or even a grandchild, is simply different from yourself. Of course, you also rule without any determination. But in this case, personality types are useful in that they save you fumbling and help reveal what exactly the person you have at home needs. And how best to talk to each other.
Everyone is different
According to the psychologist, the most important thing is not only to get to know the child’s personality, but above all to accept it and accommodate it. In short, don’t force a child who doesn’t want to show off in public, even if you know a hundred times how clever he is. Don’t forbid the one who likes it. Maybe the poem will brighten the day of the old lady on the tram, and even if it doesn’t, it’s an opportunity to talk about how people are different, even with the child himself. “They can accept it from a young school age,” she adds, “and it will help them in their relationships now and in adulthood.”